Gandalf The Queer

It's no secret that Sir Ian Mckellen loves cock, he's very open about it and I find that very respectable. But the crazy old fruitcake is now saying that his character, Gandalf, also loves to suck on the meat pole.

The reason behind his reasoning is priceless:

"His wife is never mentioned, and he's 7,000 years old. He must have had some experience with sex."

Brilliant, isn't it? You know, I have nothing against gay people, but this made me throw up a little in my mouth. Not because I'm against the idea of Gandalf being gay, it's just that I pictured him on all fours, with Saruman banging him stupid and yelling "you've elected the way of pain!"

But then I started thinking, and I realized something: We actually don't know anything about the wives of the majority of the characters!. Basically, the whole thing is a gay parade of sorts!
And what does the ring represent? Well, marriage of course. You see, the gays throw the ring on the fire, and now Sauron (the judgmental eye of the heterosexuals) can't get married.

See? "The lord of the Rings" is actually an allegory against proposition 8. Good old Tolkien, he was such a visionary writer, he started a campaign over 50 years before the actual events.

Holy fuck, this is actually good enough to write a book about it. Thank god for crazy old people, I'm going to be the author of a best seller!