We finally moved, there's still some unfinished stuff, and I haven't reconfigured Feedburner yet, but the site is up and running. You can find it by clicking here.
I hope you enjoy the new design, and please, if you have anything to say about it, just go to the contact section. Now I'm off to get a well deserved beer.
In case you didn't notice, this has gone to hell. Why the fuck does it look like this? I have no idea. But blogger is actually refusing to let me export the posts to my Wordpress fueled server.
Fuck it, I have a bbq tonight, so I'll stop trying to fix things. If I'm unable to migrate directly, I'll just copy and paste each post. Holy fuck, nothing worked the way it was supposed to work today.
I'll post the new link when that's done. And then, I'm sure fucking feedburner will fuck up all the subscriptions. This blows.
Playwright Arthur Laurents, who is about 150 years old, is releasing his memoirs in a couple of months. I don't really give a fuck about it, but The New York Post reports that in one of the chapters, Imothep's brother decided to bash Sam Mendes:
he writes in his memoir, "Mainly on Directing," out in March: " 'Surprised' was not the word for my reaction to what Sam Mendes did. 'Surprised' is a happy word."
He notes Mendes also didn't do well with the New York Theatre Workshop production of "Wiseguys":"Its second act was unfinished, and its director had come straight from editing his first film - 'American Beauty' - without time to digest the material. Why they went ahead then is a mystery."
This sounds like the classic jealousy outbursts these theatre morons tend to have, especially if we consider that the old fart was nominated twice for an Oscar, but never got one, and Mendes got his award for the movie that supposedly ruined "Wiseguys".
I reckon the fucker also disses that, calling cinema a "lesser form of art" or some bullshit like that. I know most movies suck these days, but Sam Mendes is awesome, and his penis is like a magic wand. I mean, ever since he started banging Kate Winslet, she has been getting hotter by the minute.
He should start selling his man-juice as a beauty product.
I know, this is a site about celebrities, but for today I'll make an exception:
So, Barack Obama was sworn in today, and he became the new President of the United States. My sources tell me he's like the fourtieth-something. I don't know, like 42nd, or 43rd. Definitelly above the 40th, possibly.
What am I, fucking Wikipedia?
My political insights are amazing. I know they are slightly flawed, but hey, at least they are better than Bill O'Reilly's.
Whatever, it seems this is all people care to talk about today, so it'll be a slow and boring day when it comes to celebrity bashing.
Catching up with last week's news, here's more proof that I can see the future.Warner Brothers and Fox finally reached settlement on their issue over the Watchmen movie.
Was justice served? Of course not, but at least the movie is coming out as expected. Warner will be distributing the movie, but Fox got a sweet, sweet deal
Fox will not be an active distributor of the pic, but will receive up to 8 1/2% gross participation in the pic, and a piece of everything going forward including a sequel or spinoff, and a cash payment upfront including recoupment of its development costs and attorney fees, and god-only-knows what else.
On one side, I'm very happy that the movie is coming out, because it looks fucking fantastic. But on the other side, it scares the fuck out of me to think about what Fox might do with all that cash. Like, maybe they'll use it to produce "Meet Dave 2: Dave bigger!" where in an attempt to improve the first one, they figure they just need Eddie Murphy to play even more characters; Including a fat one who farts a lot, and an old lady who gets naked.
Fuck you, Fox! I hope bankruptcy hits you soon, so we don't need to endure all the bullshit you produce.
Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino" is quite an amazing film, but this weekend it failed to make it to #1 at the box office. It was pushed to the second place by Kevin James' latest comedy "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
"A buoyant hymn to life, and a movie to celebrate" - Time magazine
""Mall Cop" is a tryumph!" - Roger Ebert
"Richard from the Turkey shot himself in the head" - Some cop, after the trailer appeared on Youtube.
Are you fucking kidding me? A stupid movie about a stupid, fat, mall cop makes it to the top at the box office?. Now I'll know who's to blame when "The pink panther 2" comes out, or the next Mike Myers film, or the next Eddie Murphy one, etc. YOU. Fucking retarded movie goer.
FUCK YOU!
Continuing with the ridiculous news of the week, here comes a story of fame, sex and crime!. Well, kinda.
Proving that I'm older than I should be, I actually do remember who Boy George is. That pretty much takes the fame part out of the story. So lets go to the interesting part, where Boy George gets 15 months in jail.
This all started back in '07, when the Daily News reported this:
Boy George was ordered Thursday to stand trial after a Norwegian man claimed the singer handcuffed him to a bed and threatened him with sex toys.
The alleged victim, Auden Karlsen, claims he and Boy George met on the Web site Gaydar and he agreed to go to the entertainer's apartment to pose for photos in exchange for about $840.
After allegedly cuffing Karlsen, Boy George produced a box of whips and sex toys and threatened the victim, who has denied reports he's a male prostitute.
First of all, how do you threaten someone with a sex toy? Do you slap a 13 inches dildo on the palm of your hand, while saying "You're gonna get it all and I don't have any lube".?
Second, you meet someone on a site called "Gaydar", you agree to meet with the dude, you agree to let him handcuff you, all of this because you're getting paid nearly a thousand bucks, and you're not a male prostitute?
Right, I believe it, just like you should believe me when I say all the women I've slept with had multiple orgasms.
And good old George is getting 15 months because of this. What the fuck!?, If I didn't have four bitches handcuffed on my basement, and I didn't beat the shit out of them on a regular basis... then I wouldn't be able to have sex with them. Since when is that illegal. It's the way we ugly perverts roll, you motherfuckers!
Joaquin Phoenix has always been a little weird, but after seeing his latest stunt, I think he's just fucking crazy.
A few months ago, he announced he would quit his acting career and re-invent himself as a musician. I didn't think much of it back then, thinking he'll put out a country music album or some bullshit like that, but instead, he decided Hip-Hop was his thing.
This is even more hilarious than K-Fed's "Popozao" video, in fact, I can't wait for the two of them to join Eminem and form the ultimate Hip-Hop trio. By ultimate I don't mean that it'll be beyond awesome, I mean that it will be their last, because an angry mob of people with a self inflicted deafness will chase them down and beat them to death. I've always liked happy endings.
Anyways, the first video is a bit of his first performance at some club, the second is of the moron falling from the stage. Like we didn't expect that, seeing how graceful he is on stage.
Yes, I'm aware I haven't posted anything in two days, so stop bugging me with it, you bunch of fuckers. Don't bother sending me hate mail, unless you're a hot female and you send a naked picture of yourself with the message.
I've been doing some work for some paid to write sites, so I can raise the money to take this blog to an actual server with Wordpress, because I fucking hate blogspot's limitations. I'm only trying to give you a better celebrity bashing experience, so back off mother fuckers!
Expect several posts on Sunday, I'll do a "best of the week" coverage. In the meantime, I'll continue to design the new Wordpress theme and try to raise enough money to get the new site running by the next weekend.
I'd usually say a story like this is bullshit, but since it's the Hoff who we're talking about, I'm convinced it's entirely true. The Daily News reports that former KITT's sidekick has a new, awesome pickup technique. According to an employee of the Murray Hill bar, events unfolded as follows:
"Last week, a group of three came into the bar, and they were laughing up a storm," he says. They had just come from a taping of 'America's Got Talent,' where Hasselhoff is a judge.
"The female of the group [a busty, cute brunette] was approached by the assistant of David Hasselhoff after the taping, and he gave her an autographed photo of him. On the back of the photo was the assistant's phone number and a suggestion that she get in touch with 'them.' Also listed was the name of the hotel [the London] where they were staying."
"She thought it was pathetic and funny."
You know how when you're about 6, and there's a chick at school that you really like? So you write her a small note and say "pass it on"? But when she sees that you wrote "meet me after class and I'll show you my penis," she goes to the teacher and then you spend the rest of the day in detention?
Well, as of now, it'll be called "Hoff it." "Pass it on" no longer exists, all thanks to David Hasselhoff, the guy who made a career out of making himself look like an idiot.
Tina Fey won the award to best actress in a television series for "30 Rock". Personally, I think Mary-Louise Parker deserved it for "Weeds", but I'm not going to talk about that.
I'm here to talk about her acceptance speech, because it was hi-lar-i-ous! You see, she named some regular posters from The Envelope's forums who hate her, and she told each of them to "go suck it" hahahahahaha. Get it? because, like, she means they should suck cock! HAAHAHAHAHAHA, she's such a hoot.
She should have used more pop-culture references though. For instance, instead of telling them to "go suck it", she should have said: "Say hello to my little friend!", because that's what Al Pacino said in that movie about her life. See what I just did? That movie was "Scarface" and Tina Fey has a scar. Bah! My comedy is too smart for you guys, I'm tired to explain all the awesome, intelligent jokes in this post.
So the Golden Globes were last night, some people won, some didn't. Shocking!.These award ceremonies are fucking boring anyways, it's easier to check the winners in the next day's news paper. Seriously, does anyone give a fuck?.But the ceremony had its highlights, most people will be talking about how Kate Winslet won in two categories, the main subject will be Heath Ledger getting a posthumous award for his performance in "The Dark Knight" (Video of it at the end of the post) but I'll talk about something else. I'll talk about an award I thought was deserved, but didn't expect to happen:
Colin Farrell for "In Bruges".
Fuck yeah! I'm not being ironic here, the movie was fucking amazing, and my twin brother Colin was fucking hilarious in it. He'll give the globe to me, you know? he still owes me money from all the whores and drugs I got him for free. Just check E-bay in the next few weeks.
Anyways, I'll leave you with Chris Nolan's acceptance speech in behalf of Ledger, he was a true gentleman, as always. The asshole just wont do something stupid so I can mock him, I'm kinda starting to hate him.
TMZ is dissing Deborah Harry for looking hot. Yeah, you've read that right, they are joking about how she had some work done on herself.
Who gives a fuck!? The bitch could be 108 years old and I'd still bang the bejesus out of her, hottest ass in hollywood, no shit.! So she's old enough to be my grandma, I don't care! I've seen twenty year olds who look worse than her.
Standing ovation for whoever did the job, I never thought I'd be wanting to jerk off to a 62 year old broad, but Debbie nailed it. Now where's the leaked sex tape?
I've never read Vibe Magazine, in fact, I just found out there was a magazine called Vibe. It seems to be great, especially when it comes to magazines writing about "who gives a fuck?" issues.
This month, they have an interview with Kanye West, and as usual, he said some very intelligent stuff:
“I made a decision. I wanna make popular music, but I want less fans. I want the freedom of having less fans. It’s like the freedom of having less money. If you have less money, you have less responsibility. It’s like Björk. If she wanted to pose naked, you’d be like, ‘Oh, that’s Björk.’ But if I wanted to pose naked, people would draw all type of things into it. I definitely feel like, in the next however many years, if I work out for two months, that I’ll pose naked. I break every rule and mentality of hip-hop, of black culture, of American culture.”
We all want you to have less fans, Kanye. If you didn't have any, we wouldn't need to read, or listen to your moronic ramblings. And no, if you did naked pictures, people would not draw all type of things "into it", they would be drawing stuff onto it because they don't want to see your annoying face, you dumbass motherfucker.
This guy is even more annoying than P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, or as I like to call him: "Waste of sperm". And I swear, scientists proved that being more annoying than him was impossible according to the laws of physics.
Even if we discovered how to break the speed of light, or if we proved the existence of God, Kanye would still remain as the biggest achievement in human history.
It's no secret that Sir Ian Mckellen loves cock, he's very open about it and I find that very respectable. But the crazy old fruitcake is now saying that his character, Gandalf, also loves to suck on the meat pole.
The reason behind his reasoning is priceless:
"His wife is never mentioned, and he's 7,000 years old. He must have had some experience with sex."
Brilliant, isn't it? You know, I have nothing against gay people, but this made me throw up a little in my mouth. Not because I'm against the idea of Gandalf being gay, it's just that I pictured him on all fours, with Saruman banging him stupid and yelling "you've elected the way of pain!"
But then I started thinking, and I realized something: We actually don't know anything about the wives of the majority of the characters!. Basically, the whole thing is a gay parade of sorts!
And what does the ring represent? Well, marriage of course. You see, the gays throw the ring on the fire, and now Sauron (the judgmental eye of the heterosexuals) can't get married.
See? "The lord of the Rings" is actually an allegory against proposition 8. Good old Tolkien, he was such a visionary writer, he started a campaign over 50 years before the actual events.
Holy fuck, this is actually good enough to write a book about it. Thank god for crazy old people, I'm going to be the author of a best seller!
This is very shocking for me, because I never, ever heard of this, but it turns out, Brad Pitt was once married to Jennifer Aniston!. Seriously, I'm not shitting you! Not only that, but he cheated on her, and then dumped her for Angelina Jolie!
Oh, and nobody gives a fuck about this because it happened like four years ago, but none of the three people involved will shut the fuck up about it. In an interview with W magazine he decided to bring the subject up, once again:
“Listen, man, Jen is a sweetheart,” Pitt says, as if to settle this thing once and for all. “I think she got dragged into that one, and then there’s a second round to all of that Angie versus Jen. It’s so created.” Of his current relationship with Aniston, he says, “We still check in with each other. She was a big part of my life, and me hers. I don’t see how there cannot be [that]. That’s life, man. That’s life.”
A few sentences into the next topic, though, Pitt circles back to defend Jolie’s honor. “What people don’t understand is that we filmed [Mr. & Mrs. Smith] for a year,” he explains. “We were still filming after Jen and I split up. Even then it doesn’t mean that there was some kind of dastardly affair. There wasn’t. I’m very proud of the way that it was handled. It was respectful. [The film] will mean something to our kids. It will, that’s all.”
I don't know why, but by the way he talks, I always thought he'd make an awesome third member in a Cheech and Chong movie: "Listen man, like.. like, I didn't cheat on my wife man... woha! check this out man, my hand is giant!"
These three are annoying as fuck with this subject, the worst part is that Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Basterds" is coming out this year, Pitt plays the leading role in it so I reckon he'll be promoting it, and guess what he's going to talk about when that happens?
Ha! fooled ya! It was a trick question, by that time he'll probably have Angelina knocked up, so he'll rant (again) about how awesome it is to be a father and how great of a mother that bitch is.
The Colbert Report came back last night!, and it was just as awesome as always. Nothing to bash here, and after my last post I don't feel like writing a long one, so just sit back and enjoy this little bit about racism in the senate and watermelons.
I don't really want to talk about Jett Travolta's death, but with idiots like Lisa Marie Presley it's hard to avoid it. Some people have been making jokes and speculating whether Scientology's take on mental illness played a part on the kid's death.
Like any good Scientologist, the daughter of Elvis had to spin this issue, and make it look as if people talking about this are horrible monsters, with no respect for the dead. She wrote on her MySpace:
Folks, as popular as it has been to discriminate and ridicule Scientology and Scientologist's in the recent past , Now is NOT the time.
I realize that there is a lot of mis information out there about the subject which has caused a lot of stone throwing but we are not still in the dark ages(...)
Among most of the crazy made up garbage that goes around about it , It is not true that Scientologist's "Don't believe in " medical care , medicine or medical Doctors and that may have something to do with this terrible tragedy.
Right, that's why Tom Cruise spoke about how psychiatry is a scam, and how there's no such thing as mental illness. That's what Scientologists believe, so why the fuck it's so wrong to be questioning how this kid was being treated?
This bitch is so deranged, she doesn't see that people asking these questions are doing it out of concern. People like Mark Bunker have been talking about this issue for years, groups like Anonymous are trying to bring awareness. They are not bashing the religion because it's "trendy".
They were trying to avoid a tragedy such as the one that happened to Lisa McPherson to happen again. And now, that there's another obscure death, that might, or might not be related to this cult, people are simply wondering if Scientologists are so fucking stupid that such things are simply impossible to be avoided.
So, fuck you! Lisa Marie, go back to your E-Meter so your heart can stop "crying and bleeding" and let real people worry about your brainwashed, moronic community.
This pisses me off, lets go back to bimbos fighting on Facebook and all those things that are actually fun to read.
The only reason I know who Lilly Allen is, is because she's been throwing shit at people for a couple of years now, in fact, I don't think I've ever listened to a song of hers. Of course, if you say something bad about her, she'll go bonkers.
So, it turns out that my girlfriend, who goes by the name of Katy Perry, called miss Allen "Fat", and the chubby little bitch got offended, even though she's looking more, and more like Kelly Osbourne every day (I couldn't find any good quality pics to prove it, so I posted an old one). Like every other mature person in the world, Lilly decided to take it to Facebook, the Sun reports:
Writing on her Facebook page, Lily said: “I have Katy Perry’s number, someone did me a favour.
“I’m just waiting for her to open her mouth one more time then it hits Facebook.”
Lily also joined two groups on the networking site.
One is called “I hate Katy Perry and her dumb-ass song I Kissed A Girl”.
The other is “Katy Perry? Who in the hell
does she think she is?”
This is horrible! she joined two Facebook groups, two! Katy is terrified, I assure you, she didn't even want to make love last night, and we all know I'm irresistible. I give you my word guys, Katy will never call that fat bitch fat again.
Gary Oldman got married in a secret ceremony last week. This guy is awesome, he's always banging hot chicks, then marrying them and dumping them when they start to look less than hot.
Now, before you call me a hypocrite, or telling me I have double standards, let me explain something: There's a difference between looking like a douche while being a douche, and looking like a weird, little English man while being awesome. Gary Oldman is the latter.
So he got married for the fourth time, to a 31 year old jazz singer named Alexandra Edenborough. I haven't seen many pictures of her, but for what I've seen, she's hot.
I wont bash these two, they are Mr and Ms super-awesometastic to me.
What's the deal with all these hot chicks falling for these dorky douche bags, it is an outrage of epic proportions!
Anyways, this morning, Howard Stern confirmed that his friends Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell were the proud parents of twin girls. I don't listen to Stern, fuck, even if I had satellite radio I wouldn't listen to him, so I've got the news from E! Online.
Shortly after Stern's announcement, the couple's publicist, Lewis Kay, told E! News that Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip were born Dec. 28, and both the parents and newborns are "all home and doing well."
He's probably the happiest, this kids will put him in the spotlight for a little while. I mean, what has this idiot done in his career worth mentioning? The funniest thing was the spoof of Tom Cruise, but that was both too easy and such an obvious cry for attention. Anyways, I'm posting it in case someone hasn't seen it yet. Plus, I'm a good sport, so I want to give Jerry some of the attention he craves so much.
No, no. You can stop doing your happy dance, Halloween 2 hasn't been canceled. It's just that Rob Zombie has confirmed that Tyler Mane will be returning. Yeah, this is old news, but I'm not checking Zombie's MySpace on a daily basis, I'm not a stalker.
Ok, so most people seem to have hated Rob Zombie's Halloween, but I think it was pretty awesome. So I'm rather excited to see the next one. If you disagree, then go fuck yourself.
Anyways, Zombie also added some pictures of the "new" mask in an early clay sculpt stage. You can check them in his MySpace page.
Seeing how it's Saturday, and the only entertainment news that seems to be floating around is Jett Travolta's passing, I'm digging through some older news and shit like that.
Anyways, Entertainment Weekly has a new picture from "X-men Origins: Wolverine", it looks good I suppose. The trailer doesn't look bad either. But lets be honest, the X3 trailer was pretty awesome too, and the movie ended up being a piece of shit.
I'm starting to hate Hugh Jackman, nobody looks like that when they are 40 years old. Fuck, most 30 years old don't look like that. This asshole is putting the rest of us men into shame. Too bad I'm not gay, I think the son of a bitch has a better body than Katy Perry.
Ah well, I'll settle for Katy. By the way, I'm adding the Wolverine trailer for the people who live under a rock.
Proving that I can see into the future, actor Sam Shepard was arrested this morning. The charges? Well, lets quote the source of the news:
Shepard was arrested on preliminary charges of driving under the influence of alcohol, speeding 15-20 mph above the limit and improper lane usage. His blood-alcohol level was reportedly twice the 0.08 legal limit for driving.
This also proves that the old saying, "Wisdom comes with age", is a crock of shit.
The amount of celebrities getting arrested for DUI is alarmingly growing, but it doesn't surprise me. It seems to me that in Hollywood, celebrities can pull off all kinds of shennanigans without getting into a lot of trouble.
Yesterday, after her own DUI incident in September, Heather Locklear got to walk home by paying a $700 fine, and agreeing to take a small course about drug education. Are you fucking kidding me?, that's probably the amount of cash this bitch tips to the pizza delivery boy.
Soon, one of these idiots will kill someone, and at the courtroom he'll say: "But your Honor, I was driving under the influence". Then the judge will go "Oh, then that's not so bad, all charges are dropped. Here, take your car keys and a six pack"
Excuse me while I dance a little and yell a word, I'm not going to say which one but it rhymes with this site's name. The thing is, Katy Perry and Travis McCoy have ended their relationship of two years.
Of course, Travis had to be a little cry baby, and he wrote some trashy piece of poetry about the issue. I'll post the first part, but you can read the whole thing at his personal blog.
We fight every night, now that’s not kosher
I reminisce with bliss of when we was closer
And wake up to be greeted by an argument again
You act like you’re ten
So immature, I try to concentrate on a cure
And keep lookin’ at the front door
Thinkin’ if I were to evacuate
You’d probably be straighter than straight
And wouldn’t have so much hate
‘Cause you don’t know the pain I feel when I see you smilin’
And when I roll up you start wilin’
So I front like everything’s hunky-dory
But it’s a whole different story
You don’t like the fact that I’m me
I don’t put on a show
When it comes time for you to have company
And your friends don’t understand your choice of man
They speak proper while my speech is from a gargabe can
But regardless, you shouldn’t have to be so raw
I’m lookin’ at the front door
Oh, just shut the fuck up Travis. This "I keep it real, nigga, if you talk proppa you is a poser" speech needs to stop. If you're amongst well mannered people, act like one yourself. Grow up, you dumbass motherfucker.
I swear, this guy looks like the douchiest douche in Hollywood. But I suspect there's another reason for the split, I mean, this happened just after I posted my desire to bang Katy Perry. I'm sure the two things are related.
I was waiting to hear confirmation before posting this, but sadly, it turned out to be true: Jett Travolta, John Travolta's son, died at age 16.
TMZ confirmed it with Travolta's attorney, Michael Ossi:
Jett suffered a seizure at his family's vacation home at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel on Grand Bahama Island. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful and he died on scene.
I might be an asshole, but I'm not that big of an asshole as to make any jokes about the death of a 16 year old, nor I'll start speculating whether he was autistic or suffered from Kawasaki syndrome. So I'll just leave it at that.
It's been slow lately, fortunately, in a couple of days we'll start hearing about celebrities getting drunk and doing stupid things in public. It is the season after all.
Anyways, TMZ is reporting Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight in public a few days ago.
We're told it started in the American Airlines Admirals Club. Once on the plane, as one person put it, "Lindsay was so inconsolable the flight attendants asked if she'd like to disembark."
We're told there was lots of crying, tears, etc.”
Does this mean lesbians fight like every other person? I always thought lesbians were an alien race of sorts, and their only fights were with pillows. And only if the chicks are hot.
Lilo is such a drama queen, I bet the whole thing started because Sam said something stupid, then Lindsay probably said something like "Oh yeah?, but at least I have tits", and Sam said "Oh yeah?, but at least I have a penis"
I reckon this isn't what made her cry, the tears probably started when she realized nobody gives a fuck about her.
Entertainment Weekly has a list of twelve supposedly big movies that are coming out this year. The list is pretty ridiculous and includes a movie with Beyonce, another romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl, and of course, that shitty looking movie with Will Ferrel.
I bet a T-Rex will be chasing him while he's on his underwear, the guy is such a hoot, I don't know how he's able to keep his comedy fresh.
Not everything in the list sucks though. I'm not going to list them all because you can go and check the site, but I'm going to say that their number one is probably on my top three as well: "Public Enemies".
Johnny Depp and Christian Bale already makes it sound interesting, but John Dillinger's story told by Michael Mann? Holy fuck!, I'll be there on opening day.